A Musician’s #1 Fan Should Always Be Their Spouse

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Once upon a time,

More like 4 years ago, I met my husband during college. Here is the thing, many women have this “thing” with musicians. It’s like a stigma that girls fall head over heals for them. I, however, never really imagined myself being being with one. To be fair, I had no idea what I wanted in a man when it came to his profession; I only knew what I wanted in his values and personality. So when I met Patrick it was like he was the peanut butter to my jelly, or maybe I had the peanut butter and he brought the jelly. In either case, once we started dating, I knew that we were going to be inseparable.

So for all of you married, or even dating, a musician, there is that moment in the relationship when you learn of their aspiration and career goals to make it in the cut throat entertainment industry. Perhaps, you thought it was a hobby at first or maybe even something on the side. I can even see the significant other believing it to be  faze that they will grow out of. After all, a musicians work is never secure, and unless they have connections it’s nearly impossible to make a living. However once you realize that they will pursue their musical careers, as  the significant other, you have a choice to stay or leave. Not everyone is cut out to be a musician’s spouse, and it truly is a daunting task.

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For me, I honestly can’t even recall when I learned of his goals, and thus, I doubt it even mattered to me. Patrick is a guitar player and not just any guitar player; anyone who has heard him play, cannot deny how good of a player he really is– and that is not just me bragging. Not only did I know that he was extremely talented, I also knew that without a doubt he had the tenacity to succeed in this business. In fact, Patrick inspired me to pursue my own dreams. Now I was planning to be an author no matter what, but I originally started out as an education major, but by the end of my second semester, I had changed my major to professional writing– a much more daring field. This decision came from watching him chase his dreams. It is also my belief that being an aspiring author helped me empathize with his need for a musical career and why I never questioned it.

After a year and a half of dating, we married, and it was then that his music career took off. Within months of being married, my dear husband was already touring the U.S with Dave Elkins, guitarist and vocalist of Mae, on his new project, Schematic. That one tour lead to us moving to Nashville to support his career. After all, a writer can write from anywhere, but a musician needs to go to Music City! Since then, he has toured Japan with Dave, he was one of the stage managers for Mae, he opened for Copeland with schematic, and to top it off, he got to meet and open for my favorite musical artist, Andrew McMahon–on more than one occasion!

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And now presently, as I write this post, my husband is traveling across the Mediterranean on a cruise for B.B. King’s All-Stars band. (May B.B. King rest in peace as he sadly died two days ago.) It has been a journey getting to where we are today. Not only did it take Patrick’s dedication and love for music, but it took my support and encouragement. As the wife of a musician, it is my duty to root for him and urge him to keep chasing after his goals. Why? Because we are in this marriage together and his happiness also feeds the bliss in our marriage. The same is to be said about my well-being. Patrick has always understood my creative outlet when it comes to books and pushes me to continue my works in progress. Why then, should I not support him?

So before I end the post, I want to take a moment to remind all the spouses, or significant others, of musicians reading this that being married to a musician has never been said to be easy. Musicians are constantly traveling for tours and play late night shows or rehearsals.  Sometimes the money is really bad and other times it is really good. Tax season is a headache, because you have to find all their independent payments and not to mention all their receipts for gear– really expensive gear. But despite all the stress, months away at a time, and money, you are their number one fan. Cheer them on! The entire entertainment industry is against them statistically, you don’t need to be either. More importantly, the reward of seeing them succeed is so great that there is no feeling to compare.

Sometimes, I try to think long and hard about how it is that I came to marry a guitar player. I also try to imagine my life any other way, but it is impossible. I can only conclude I push him artistically in his music the same way he helps me thrive in my writing. But even for the spouses out there who do not dwell in the arts such as I do, there is a reason you are with your musician. It is because you see the glow when they perform, and it doesn’t scare you that others may not see it, because you are on their side 100%. You are more than their number one fan; you’re the person who motivates them to flourish.images

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2 thoughts on “A Musician’s #1 Fan Should Always Be Their Spouse

  1. That’s a beautiful post. I realized, tonight, that my wife is not a fan of my music. She’s a fan of me. She was drawn to that glow I had on stage but the minute we were married, she expected me to grow out of it. But I never saw it. I couldn’t possibly believe it. Last year, I bared my soul and performed a song if written years earlier about my love for her but had never had the guts to perform on a stage. I played it at my birthday party for several dozen of our closest friends and siblings. When I opened my eyes at the end of the song, I expected to meet her gaze and share an unforgettable moment. Instead, she wasn’t listening. She was fist pumping with her spin class friend. tnay song died that night. I’d played it every few days for years. I couldn’t remember a single note tonight. I literally just put it together. I could barely remember that moment. It was one of those memories that gets swallowed quick and buried as self-preservation. I’m happy to hear that my fantasy was not just that, that it can exist.
    Don’t marry an artist if you are not a fan of their art. If you think it’s just a cool thing they do like skateboarding or playing cards, it’s not. If they tell you that their art is their life and it’s all they want to do, they will never, ever grow out of it. They will never stop wishing they didn’t have that day job. They will never accept that it’s an impossible dream. They will never quit just because it hasn’t happened. And when they discover that you didn’t really believe in them from the start, they will die inside. If you feel the same passion for what they do that they feel, then you can be their muse. But if you don’t, set them free

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for sharing your story! I truly hope your wife can find a way to share your excitement of the stage, if only to support your dreams. Being a wife to a musician isn’t for everyone, but I hope that maybe it’s that she is more blinded by how much it really means to you rather than her not being up to the task. Good luck and never give up on your dreams! Keep playing and maybe one day she will listen.

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